


Sunshine

by field_of_daisies



Category: Mystic Messenger
Genre: Angst, F/M, Help, Hope, Live, Love, Suicide Attempt, hopeful, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 14:09:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8627533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/field_of_daisies/pseuds/field_of_daisies
Summary: You almost lose your sunshine.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I finished the manga Orange and so this was a result. The manga was beautiful. Anyway, towards the end, it became sort of a message to everyone. It's important to take people seriously when they display signs of suicidal behavior. To us it may seem difficult to understand but to others, it can be hard. Always try to help a friend in need. Even if it's not a friend, help. Who knows, maybe you can save someone with just a smile or a "thank you".

The first time he's said it, you didn't know if you should have taken him seriously or just brushed it off; you had given him a puzzled look and changed the subject to something more easier to talk about. All you remember, is Yoosung's face looking disappointed, looking down at his plate of food that he had barely taken a bite of. He had always been such a cheerful person, always smiling and laughing at what you or your friends said. So when you went to sleep, you didn't think much of it as it probably was a spontaneous emotional outburst that had no meaning. 

That night, you had a terrifying nightmare. You received a phone call saying Yoosung was in an accident, and that he didn't make it. You cried, not being able to take in the situation. And your cries only elongated and persisted when you discovered that there was a probability it wasn't an accident, rather a suicide attempt. 

You woke up, crying, frightened that your dream would somehow foreshadow the events that would occur in the near future. You recall the words spoken by Yoosung earlier that day and find that it's 2am. You called him, afraid that he wouldn't answer, the long rings feeding onto your fears. When Yoosung wouldn't answer despite calling 5 times, you began to panic. Unsure of what to do at that moment, you had put on a sweater and made your way to his apartment by bicycle. 

You pounded on the door various times, eliciting an echo in the hall way; you were afraid that it would awaken the neighbors but not Yoosung. You shook the doorknob and found it open, letting yourself in quickly nor giving a care at whether or not you were being rude. You checked the bedroom and found it empty, the knot in your stomach growing bigger. Your heart, beating faster than ever, almost feeling a heart attack arise. You saw the bathroom door closed, locked and you couldn't take it anymore. 

You knocked aggressively, responded by only silence. You threw yourself at the door, attempting to be able to barge in with your feeble body. Surprisingly, you managed to break in, and found Yoosung on the floor. His body, convulsing, trying to gasp for air, pills surrounding him. Your heart shattered at the sight, and you wanted to cling to him, to tell him not to leave you. But you knew better, and ran for the phone, dialed 911 and sat next to him, trying to keep him awake while the ambulance arrived. Yoosung kept his eyes on you, trying to speak but you wouldn't let him. You wanted him to save his energy for the fight he would have to front to stay alive. 

When the paramedics arrived, you quickly gathered a bag with some clothes for him and ran to jump into the back of the ambulance, not wanting to part with him. 

On route to the hospital, you could feel Yoosung's attempt to grip your hand; weak, so weak was his grip. You cried, tears falling onto his face, telling him to not let go, to stay awake. You kept uttering apologies, for being ignorant, for not taking his words seriously, for not supporting him the way you should have. 

That night, the ride to the hospital was longer than anything you had ever felt before. 

The wait in the waiting room was longer than anything you had ever endured. 

You prayed and prayed, asking God to save him, promising that you would pray everyday, that you would go to church and intently listen to his word. 

You paced back and forth, telling yourself that you would rather wait at the DMV for hours, that you'd rather be back in high school suffering from your first boyfriend, that you'd rather be back in your abusive household, that you'd rather be the one in that emergency room, if it meant that your sunshine would be okay. 

Your leg wouldn't stop shaking, the tears wouldn't stop either. You crushed paper into balls, telling yourself that the more you made into the basket, the higher the chance Yoosung had at making it out alive. But your hand wouldn't stop shaking, and you missed more. You scolded yourself, saying that such a childish game wouldn't be the one to decide Yoosung's life; but you knew that if you had made a majority of the shoots, you would have held onto that small string of childish hope. 

And when the doctor came out, calling for you, you rushed to him, telling him to please tell you everything. The doctor smiled and you felt anger in you, why would he smile when your sunshine's life was in danger? Why when he was surrounded by death, by misery? He placed a hand on your shoulder and told you that Yoosung was out of danger, but weak. 

For once that whole day, you felt your shoulders lighten from the heavy load being lifted. 

You enter the room and find him crying, saying he didn't want to die just yet. He didn't want to leave you. And as you hugged him, you told him that if he left, he wouldn't be able to eat those honey chips he enjoyed so much. 

Or hear the birds singing in the morning. Or eat his favorite meal. Or play LOLOL again. Or feel the grass under his feet. And so many things like such. It was such a sad thing to see your sunshine want to leave. 

 

Because If you left this world, 

You wouldn't be able to eat that delicious cake you enjoy with the fruit. 

You wouldn't be able to pet a dogs soft fur. 

You wouldn't be able to read your favorite book, while snacking on some pocky. 

You wouldn't be able to play your favorite video games. 

You wouldn't be able to think to yourself, "I can do it". 

You wouldn't be able to watch your favorite tv show. You know, the one with your favorite protagonist. Or antagonist. Who knows? Except you. 

You wouldn't be able to ride your bike in the park, seeing all that scenery and the squirrels run away from the fluffy dogs. 

You wouldn't be able to tell your parents you love them, even if they didn't really pay much attention to you. 

You wouldn't be able to get a C on that paper you tried so hard on to pass. Good job! 

You wouldn't be able to trip and fall, and get a scratch that bled, practically screaming that you are a living being. 

You wouldn't be able to find a sticker hidden under your books or clothes, the sticker of a smiling face. The yellow one. 

You wouldn't have been able to find $3 in your pocket jeans, the money you'll use to treat yourself to some ice cream after a long hard day. 

And you wouldn't have been able to meet those cool people at school or work, or somewhere in the world, who will come to cherish you. 

Sure, sometimes they might say hurtful things without thinking, but I think it's important you know, that someone out there will always want to talk to you, or hang out with you, or compliment you. 

And keep in mind, that it's not your fault. Whether what you said led someone to do something or anything of that sort, it wasn't because you had bad intentions. 

And it's okay to rely on people, if they want you to, do so. If it annoys them, rely on your dog. Your cat. Your plushy. Yourself. Because you are a strong person who can overcome any obstacle. Although I would recommend having a friend. But if you can't, that's okay. You can rely on me. 

If you rely on me, I can rely on you.  
Together we can be a team.  
A team where we can both find a safe haven.  
I promise to do my best to make you happy.  
I can't guarantee that life will be 99% stress free, but I can promise that every time it seems bad, there's a silver lining that you have to find. 

Whether it's thinking "well that's a lesson learned," when you fail a class. 

Or "well maybe my room is clean now," when your mom forces you to pick up your stuff in your room for guests 

Or "well now I can lead a more simple life and meet new people," when your lover dumps you 

Or "well I won't intake as many calories," when your French fries fall 

Or anything stupid of that sort, look for it. And I promise you'll find it. Trust me. 

Life is too short already to shorten it any more than that. Go play in the rain or go on a hike. Or I don't know, go read "Siddhartha". 

You can do it, 98.9% guaranteed. 

Because if you leave, someone's sunshine might disappear.


End file.
